Thank you for your many stories, statuses, and updates about people's pregnancies, children, and the joys (and complaints) of parenthood, that time and time again remind me just how left out to feel in this world. Thank you Facebook, because honestly my dead child and lack of a successful subsequent pregnancy really wasn't enough to drive that message home.
About Me
- Once A Mother
- I lost my first pregnancy in '07 to miscarriage, but held out hope & soon learned that my husband & I were expecting again. My pregnancy was picture perfect. In September 2008, after 42 weeks, I gave birth by c-section to my 1st child, a beautiful baby girl, Peyton Elizabeth, who unbeknownst to any of us had Infant Leukemia (ALL w/ MLL) the odds of which fell around 1 in 50 million. Peyton blessed us with her beautiful smile & unguarded love, never letting on just how sick she really was. For 28 days she fought with the heart of a prizefighter & we held onto the hope that she would beat the cancer & the odds. Infant Leukemia made Peyton an angel October 2, 2008 & a piece of me left with her. A year later we began trying again & learned that an infection from my c-section with Peyton had destroyed my tubes & left me infertile. After two rounds of IVF, we are pregnant with twins. I write this blog as a tribute to Peyton, and my journey through life without her. I don’t know where this story goes, or how it will end, only that loving & mothering Peyton has left me forever changed & losing her has washed a perspective over my life that I could never have anticipated.
let it out honey, not a truer word was spoken, its very difficult to find your place in the real world after suffering such tragedies. you are not alone, xxx warm hugs, anne
I'm sorry. Hugs.
*hug*
love and prayers
elena
(((HUGS))) Bloody facebook :(
Am so sorry for the BFN too. I'm right there with you. What is your next step?
x
(((Hugs))) I am with you.. Thanks FB for all the reminders of what I don't have. I just want to comment on someones U/S pic or status "Please don't take this baby for granted, enjoy every precious moment, don't whinge about it kicking you, at least you know it's alive!"
I'm so sorry Kristin. XOXO
yep, i quit it for similar reasons. just couldn't take all the complaining....
i'm thinking of you.
((HUG)) I hear you. I feel like I keep saying that...but, it's just true. Wishing we lived closer so I could hug you in person. ((HUG))
Seriously, I agree with the first comment. You can "hide" certain inviduals on FaceBook. That way you don't have to see the in your face updates all the time and one day, when you are feeling better to cope with it, instead of having to send new friend requets, you just "unhide" them and carry on as normal.
I'm so sorry, its soo painful. FaceBook used to almost kill me! At one point I even considered cancelling my account!
(((hugs)))
Yes it is so hard isn't it! Been thinking of you these few days. Again, so sorry
((HUGS)) I'm sorry about the BFN. And yup, block whoever you need to on fb. It's nothing personal against the individual, but just a tool that you can use. I avoided as many real life baby situations (baby showers, kid events, crowded malls) for ages after we lost our daughter. I don't see avoiding the kid chatter on fb as any different.
And yeah, I am guilty of being both one of the ones who does status updates on the kids and complains occasionally as well. But having come through the other side (our daughter was stillborn on her due date 6.5 years ago), this kind of chatter is one of the things that makes me feel almost like a "normal" mom. Because even after all this time, there is never a day when our daughter's presence is not part of our lives. Even as I write, my 5 year old is talking about her sister while the toddler is crawling over the folder given to us by the funeral home that is sitting by my desk. So, that empty place at our dining room table is a constant reminder to never take things for granted...
I'm so, so sorry. I feel the same way and I just sometimes have to hide people. Especially the gal who had her baby boy a week before Matthew (hate the term Shadow Baby, but....that's what he is) and had the nerve to write (less than 3 weeks after Matthew died): "Christmas and Motherhood. Two things I'm supposed to love, but frankly, bite."
I guess I don't expect the world to revolve around me, but I sure as heck figure that people would look at us and at least be A LITTLE more grateful for what they HAVE and remember those of us who'd give our lives for that.
Lifting you up!
I'm sorry. :(
I am having an especially hard time with FB right now because all of my friends are posting Prom pictures. If my son was here, he'd have gone to Prom this past weekend. It is just a reminder of what all I have missed.
((((hugs))))
My SIL keeps posting the most mundane details like how her baby's poo smells. Really, thanks for that. I was just eating (and enjoying) my lunch and the thought of how rancid your baby's poo smells has just added a new dimension. Unbelievable.
Maybe time for a FB break...
To say I'm sorry about Peyton would be a huge understatement. To say that I feel your anger at an incompetent doctor for not writing you a script for a few dollars of antibiotics? Beyond words.
After my son died suddenly all those 'normal' things like FB updates that once upon a time hadn't even raised a flicker of awareness hurt beyond measure. As did friends and colleagues whinging about their pregnancies/kids. As did seeing strollers being pushed around our neighbourhood. As did kids being treated in ways that I considered inappropriate by parents - which then led to the whole 'why do they get to have a kid and I don't?' conversation in my head.
I do have another baby now - many years later. But still those same FB updates, flippant pregnancy comments from woman etc get to me. Gosh, I'm so very sorry.