Slowly but Surely

Have you heard about the hottest fashion trend this Spring?
Permanent red Gatorade mustaches. 
Not convinced? 
Bummer. 


In the last two days alone, I have pounded down about 4 gallons of Gatorade and Smart Water, eaten the saltiest of salty things, and sat around, for the most part, like a lump, and you know what? I think it is working!


The painful pressure feels a little lighter on my chest and back today, and I know I am jumping the gun in thinking this means I have begun taking a turn for the better, because I always feel best in the morning, but at this point, I will celebrate any relief that comes my way.


I spoke with my RE yesterday, who said that with the exception of my white blood cell count being a little high, my blood work looks good. Of course, a high WBC count is a total trigger for me, having lost Peyton to Leukemia, so news that should have been no big deal for me, sent me through a tail spin of fear and what ifs. I told the doctor about my fears, and he assured me that just two weeks ago my numbers were totally normal, and that he is sure this is from the stress that having grossly oversized ovaries is putting on my body. 


I hate triggers, and after a traumatic loss, so many things, even unexpected things, can be triggers. I talked about this with my therapist yesterday, about how much I hate that the simplest things can cause utter panic in my heart. It's like any sense of security flew out that window with Peyton's soul. I'd like to go back to that place, that happy naive, innocent place, but then I realize that after all that we have been through, I don't think we would be welcome back there anyway.


My RE instructed me to continue resting, and said that I still can't exercise :( but that I can take a "little stroll here or there." Last night I "strolled" with hubs into Walmart for more Gatorade, my first time out of the house since Sunday, except for my doctors appointment, and this morning, I took Charlotte for a little pee walk, although honestly now I am totally wiped out so that might be all my "strolling" today.


On the brighter side of things, I am having a few "symptoms." I don't know if they are brought on just by the progesterone or what, but I had taken progesterone to bring this cycle on, and never experienced them then. My chest has a kind of tugging ache when I move too fast, and EVERYTHING, good or bad, smells really strongly to me. I know it is still too early to tell, but I guess feeling something is better than feeling nothing.


Either way, one week from today, we will know for sure.




**Side note... I have heard from a few women who want to spend International Babyloss Mother's Day Together on 5/2, here in the Connecticut Area. If there is anyone else who would like to join us, please email me at doinggoodinhername(at)gmail(dot)com.