The air, thick with rain, sits heavily on my lungs.
You know the truth though, don't you little one?
It is not the air at all, nor the rain.
It is not the gray skies, nor the clouds that loom foreboding.
It is not the season, nor the date.
The holidays, nor their meaning.
It is this loss.
Whole. Heavy. Unyielding.
It is this loss that makes brief the happiest of moments.
It is this loss that brings tears among strangers in crowds.
It is this loss that makes the simplest of questions difficult to answer.
Do I have any children?
Did I have any children?
I wonder, is she still mine if she is now His?
It is this loss that hangs like a weighted cloak.
It is this loss that places depth in everything.
It is this loss that allows nothing to pass without being assigned symbolism.
It is this loss, and I can't fight it.
There is no solution.
It is bigger than I am.
Stronger.
More determined.
It is this loss, and it is winning.
~Kristin Binder
****
Sad news to report. The little boy, Noah Biorkman, who asked for Christmas cards, passed away this morning. Please join me in praying for strength for his family. It is a testament to the generosity of the human spirit, and should be noted, that this sweet warrior received over 1 million cards in the last few weeks.
Beautiful, I love reading your poems!
HUGS
Beautiful....shedding tears with you, for you. Hugs
Eloquent and sad. Sending you love as you struggle with the grief (as I do, too).
Your words are so powerful.
Some days I too feel as if the grief is winning.\
Many hugs to you...
I am crying but it is really wonderful.
Such a touching post. I love the line, I wonder, is she still mine if she is now His? Ive often wondered this myself too about Bryston. Im sorry that its winning. I wish I could crawl through this screen and give you a big hug!
I just found your blog today. I am touched by your post. I feel the same some days. I lost my Sylvia on 2/26/09. She lived for only 5 hours. Infant leukemia--I never knew it existed! Of course, I never knew congenital diaphragmatic hernia that took my daughter's life existed either...
In tears and heartache,
Beth
www.houselogfamily.blogspot.com
Such a heartbreaking but beautiful poem. I too at times feel that the loss is winning. Praying for peace for you.
xo
That is so sad. Another child lost and some more lives changed forever.
Kristin, you summed it all up, exactly how I've been feeling these past few days. It's so dark and wet here,but that's not what's making me sad.
Love to you, and I'm sorry to hear about Noah.
Beautiful poetry by a simply beautiful mother xxxx
Your compassion knows no bounds. Thank you for updating. The family (and yours) will be in my prayers. I know this thanksgivign will be a rough one for you Always a Mama.
HUGS
Sorry, to hear that but thanks, Kristin for sharing that... I sent a card too, and I hope that if he didn't get the chance to see them, they may give his parents a glimpse of light - to know how many prayers & thoughts have been with their family.
Noah, I hope those cards filled your last days with joy. Rest in peace, little boy.
I know that defeated feeling all too well. Ugh, I cannot stand the whirlwind of expectations created for us. "Do you have children?" In my case it's "Do you have siblings?" "Hey, how's that family situation going for ya'?" Some of these kinds of questions still crack me a little.
If only we were always told that it's OK that we're not perfect, and that everything we wish for will come at its time, even if not exactly as we want it.
Coincidentally, I used some of the nouns in your beautiful poem in my latest article. Great minds think alike!
So sad but beautiful.Praying for peace for you.
Mourning Noah...
A beautiful poem...