When will I get my heart back?
About Me
- Once A Mother
- I lost my first pregnancy in '07 to miscarriage, but held out hope & soon learned that my husband & I were expecting again. My pregnancy was picture perfect. In September 2008, after 42 weeks, I gave birth by c-section to my 1st child, a beautiful baby girl, Peyton Elizabeth, who unbeknownst to any of us had Infant Leukemia (ALL w/ MLL) the odds of which fell around 1 in 50 million. Peyton blessed us with her beautiful smile & unguarded love, never letting on just how sick she really was. For 28 days she fought with the heart of a prizefighter & we held onto the hope that she would beat the cancer & the odds. Infant Leukemia made Peyton an angel October 2, 2008 & a piece of me left with her. A year later we began trying again & learned that an infection from my c-section with Peyton had destroyed my tubes & left me infertile. After two rounds of IVF, we are pregnant with twins. I write this blog as a tribute to Peyton, and my journey through life without her. I don’t know where this story goes, or how it will end, only that loving & mothering Peyton has left me forever changed & losing her has washed a perspective over my life that I could never have anticipated.
I didn't even know it left :).
I would like to know the answer to that question too. I'm sorry it hurts so much. :(
I have prayed to God to give me the answer to that question so I could help all the baby lost mother's. I am so sorry that you are walking this horrific journey. ((HUGS))
I don't know, but if you get it back, can you tell me where you found it or how you got it so I can go look for mine?
xoxo
(((hugs))) as useless as they are,I'm sending them anyway. x
Am I going to sound pessimistic if I say that it will come back but not as it was before(?)
We will never be the same after our babies have left us...but I believe we can be something else.
I'm sorry.
Oh Kristin, I am not sure that we ever get our heart fully back. A piece of our hearts are with our angels forever. We are forever changed and those little footprints have left such an impression on our hearts.
Sending you hugs today! xx
I think it's still there . . . you just don't recognize it batter and shattered as it is. I wish you healing. You will never be the same, your heart will never be the same, but I hope you come to a place where each day is not so hard and ther is peace and joy to hold along with your sorrow. Thinking of you on this journey.
You have it, but it will never be in one piece again. that's why it hurts so much! mine aches every moment of everyday.
((hugs))
I wish I could tell you.
Unfortunatly like a lot of people on here I want to know when you find it...I need mine back as well.
Thinking of you
I think part of it has gone with Peyton and there will always be a little piece missing. Hopefully when her siblings come, they will fill up most of the hole with love and hope.
I don't know, but if you ever figure it out please let me know. I'm so sorry your heart is so heavy. :(
Ah, me. Bless your broken heart and all of our broken hearts. (((Hugs))) I so get that post. I had a wretched day yesterday - big sobbing, snotty cry with another mother in the school parking lot - my head hurts today - when will it not hurt so much???? xo from BC
I don't think you will ever get it back entirely, but I don't think you would want it to. Your precious one will always be a part of you, and she will always hold a part of your heart.
I hope and pray that, even if the pain doesn't go away, it will get easier for you. For all of us.
(btw, while it really isn't appropos to say it on this post, I did want to say congrats for winning blogger bingo)
Oh...my heart aches with you as I read these words...that kind of brokenness takes some time to mend...and a part of you will always miss your beautiful Peyton Elizabeth. I am so sorry for this great pain and sorrow....
Praying for God's continued peace and comfort as you hurt and heal...
I think a part of it goes away forever.
The rest is with you and aches.
Oh Kristin (((HUGS))) I am so sorry. Words can never make up for the loss of your precious baby, but I am truly sorry and I am thinking of you.
I believe that I'm broken hearted because a piece of my heart is with my daughter. My heart will never be whole this side of heaven (nor would I want it to be) but I'm hoping that the part that's left becomes less battered and bloodied in time. I hope that for you and all of us too.
I dont think we ever do...
Oh sweetie, I'm thinking of you too. Thank you so much for your comment on Mother Words. It means so much to me.