I hate stupid people.
I will re-phrase that.
I hate stupid pregnant people.
I was browsing BabyCenter yesterday and came upon a post titled "Air Your Pregnancy Sins." The woman heading up the post had a profile picture of her healthy, living, firstborn child in her arms.
Must be nice.
I opened the post, and what followed left me simultaneously shocked and disgusted. Some of the over 100 posts were mundane (I eat pizza, I like junk food, I don't work out, etc. etc.) but several of them were by women patting themselves on the backs for doing things in their pregnancies like eating raw sushi, drinking beer, smoking cigarettes, smoking pot, taking prescription painkillers against OB advice, drinking bourbon, sitting in hot tubs, and disregarding any an all warnings about soft cheeses, cold cuts and the like.
These "mothers" were actually BRAGGING to one another about their behaviors, saying things like, "I smoked cigarettes, or pot, or drank through my last pregnancy and all was fine" and it just made my blood boil that while I spent my pregnancy with Peyton eating all organic and working out, it was not these women who were forced to put their child in the ground, it was me.
Where, I ask you, is the justice in that?
I literally wanted to reach through the computer and shake these women and tell them that they are awful, selfish mothers. I wanted to tell them how unfair it is that they got to be so goddamned nonchalant and cavalier about the lives of THEIR CHILDREN, and that putting their babies at risk is nothing to be proud of. I wanted to smack some sense into their heads and say "Hey you, idiot, you are RESPONSIBLE for the health of your baby. Your condition is not an inconvenience. It is not an accessory. It is a privilege! Do you know how many women would kill to be in your position? Do you know how many women struggle for years to achieve pregnancy? Do you have any idea what you are risking? That is your baby!"
I wanted to scream.
And scream.
And scream.
But I realized there was no point.
My cries and pleas would just fall on deaf ears because for reasons far beyond my realm of human understanding, reasons that I won't have answers for in this life and will most likely never make peace with, the hard lessons of loss are reserved for mothers like me, mothers who planned for and wanted and loved their children. Mothers who did everything in their power to keep their children healthy, and would have done anything to keep them alive.
It is mothers like me for whom the great heartache and loss are reserved, while women like THAT seem to get a free pass in this life.
You've got my blood boiling. I think I would have post something if I would have read that. Maybe a dose of my reality would bring these idiots to think of the risks they are running. I can't even imagine the nonsense that they are doing now that they are no longer pregnant with those children. I so hear you Kristen. You think that doing all the right things during a pregnancy will result in a happily ever after. Yet here we are missing our little ones.
Those people's idiocy continues into raising their children as well. Feeding them processed foods and sodas, allowing them to watch as much TV as they like, letting their child cry it out in the crib so much their childrens' heads are flat, to much worse things like neglect and abuse. I am fortunate enough not to have suffered loss, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate my blessing of a beautiful, healthy son. I think about this blessing every day and try not to take my eye off my son for even an instant because an instant can change everything. I lay with him at night past when he has fallen asleep just drinking up the pleasure of my beautiful boy. I feel nauseated when I think of the children who do not feel the love and protection my son does because every child deserves the best of life.
I am sorry for what happened to you. Although it is hard to grasp in your heart, you must know in your head that you did everything right with Peyton and the outcome was pure and simple bad luck, a lightning strike rather than any mistake you made. I will hold you up and hope for peace for you as you struggle with your daughter's death and hope for health and safety to your new bundles, who you are protecting so well.
Wow, I looked that up. I'm a member of babycenter. September 2008 club. There was one woman on there that was open about doing pot while pregnant. She lost her baby, that she expressively admitted she did not want. People went off on her. I dont see a single person correct their actions on there. I think people take for granted what they have, until they no longer have. Peyton was and will always be a beautiful face that graced this earth, just think of her brothers/sisters or one of each that will soon grace your presence. Take care of yourself, and say what you need to say. Keeping it bottled up will only make you feel worse.
Can't wait to see pictures of your twins.
youre right .. its not fair and there is no justice in that .. and also, there is no point in screaming at them about it ..
its so sad, but there are so many women who dont take care of themselves (before and during pregnancies) and have perfectly healthy babies.
When I was preg with my first, I knew a woman who was a mutual friend of a spouse in my husbands shop (he is USAF and we live don base) .. she drank, slept with multiple men before she started showing (she was single), and had like half a pack of smokes a day... what did that get her? a baby with a mild case of jaundice! what did I get? a baby boy with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia and stretched aorta ... who eventually suffered placental failure due to IUGR and was stillborn! .. and I did everything "by the books"!!
its not right!!! but, now .. that woman is straightened up and married and happy. Maybe thats why she got to keep her son and I didnt. Maybe she NEEDED him more than God did .. just as I believe God NEEDED my Anthony .. and he NEEDED your Peyton...
he is all knowing; our creator... but even he needs angels :)
Hang in there .. keep doing what youre doing (taking care of you and those babies... everything will happen as it should and I have a very strong feeling that those two miracles will be going home with you guys :)
....also, try to stay away from all the negative energy and those tv shows that make all pregnancies seem so "perfect'.. I know I had to block the TLC channel when I was preg with my rainbow baby.
God Bless
The other day I drove by three pregnant women on their smoke breaks from work. I was fuming and about whipped the car over to rip into them. I'm not confrontational though, so I just hoped their babies would turn out alright despite some questionable choices of their mothers.
From my experience with the county health program here in the U.S., there are a portion of people who just don't know any better. The health program sets up a free pregnancy program for mothers to raise awareness about how to cut out drugs and smoking and learn what's ok to eat and not to eat. I was with maybe 10 other women and many of them didn't know some of those things were bad during pregnancy!
Knowing that doesn't make me any less bitter about why it happened to me though. I'm sorry it's so unfair. Sending ((hugs)) to you.
i have no words :(
hugs from another angelmum...
I am so sorry, my blood is boiling too. My SIL had 2 abortions while I was undergoing IVF after 7 years of trying for the baby. And she knew.
It's so sad and unfair... Like you stated, there are people who loved and planned for their pregnancy with utmost perfection, yet then were unable to care for their child/ren in the end. I don't get it...and probably never will. So sorry you had to read that. I cannot make sense of it all either... ((hugs))
It's in the same vein as the 'mothers' who throw their perfectly healthy babies into dumpsters, who 'trade' their kids to buy drugs, who tell their kids they are not wanted, or loved.
But that kind of person was not good enough to be a Mommy to your Peyton, or my Leah. We were chosen as their Mommies so that for every minute of their short lives, they felt nothing but love.
That is terrible. I sometimes try to stay away from baby center for that reason. There are really stupid people on there. I have certain groups that I belong to to make sure I stay clear of "those people."
Making a comment would not a difference, how sad huh? It's not fair at all and it is frustrating.
That's just disgusting! When I went to deliver my son this past January who passed away at 21 weeks gestation, walking into the maturnity ward was a pregnant woman...and she was smoking...RIGHT at the front entrance. How could she be allowed to do this??? It took all I had to just walk on by. Maybe I should have said something, but my anger would have spoke more than my intelligence and it probably would have made no sense at the time. What I wanted to say is, "I'm here to deliver my lifeless child while you stand out here and selfishly smoke a freakin cigerette, taking for grated your child's health!!!" I probably would have added more to that, and it wouldn't have been nice. It angers me that woman can't go without things for 9 months that will harm their child. I hate stupid, selfish pregnant people too!!!
I really hope you posted something there. Also, all will not necessarily be "fine" with those children, but the damage it's done to their developing brains will only become apparent later in life. My friend openly drank whisky while she was pregnant. Now her child has Asperger's Syndrome. May or may not be connected, but the point is, at some point she is GOING to look back on those whiskeys and wonder...
I spent three long years trying to get pregnant and had many conversations (more like screaming cry fest) with God about the injustice of how things work. Why was my hubbys ex able to have another baby when she already had three that she didnt take care of and left with us as she moved as far south as she could (she is a better mother now) and all I wanted was one? Why did someone (not hubbys ex...well not all of the following) that smokes, is a drug addict and all around not responsible mother get the opportunity to have the one thing that I was so desperate to have to love? It never made sense to me and honestly still doesnt. Infertility made me a better mother. I know what I have and how close I was to not having it. Clara's illness and the closeness of that being diagnosed as a fatal illness and your sweet Peyton's story make me appreciate things even more. It is unfortunate (mostly for the sake of those innocent babies) that those mothers dont know what they have been blessed with.
Denise
It is always the ones that seem they can do it without trying that seem to have the good outcomes with their children. If I see another teenager who ate nothing but Doritos and was addicted to drugs have a healthy baby, i will join you in screaming!
That's pretty much why I just don't go on those sites anymore...I just can't stand the ignorance and the stupidity, but moreover, the ARROGANCE!!!
I mean really, it's one thing if one does not KNOW better...but when one does, and then still acts irresponsibly and negligently and DANGEROUSLY and then has the audacity to brag about it--well...the arrogance is really what just makes me sick. To my stomach.
It makes me want to post stuff and ream them but I realize that people that arrogant would just not have the capacity to even come close to understanding anything, so there's really no reason to stress me or the baby out.
I just have to come to terms with the fact that we live in a screwed up world with screwed up people who totally get what they don't deserve and I can't change that so I try to avoid places where I feel like I'll come across more of it.
It stinks.
Thinking of you and those sweet little ones!
Those poor babies. The women make "great" mothers I'm sure.
One lesson that has been repeating itself to me recently is that there is always another side. It is so easy to get angry with others in regards to their actions and yes while it was wrong what they were doing, is it right for us to pass judgement? My hope for you is to surround yourself with love and peace. It is so easy to get caught up in that negativity and that is so the last thing that you need right now. I too ate very healthy and walked almost daily, whle my co-worker pregant also downed diet pepsi like it was her job, but it was I who delivered prematurely. I have learned that I am only in control of me and it is so exhausting trying to right all that is wrong (in my opinion) with everyone else. I am pregnant again like you and my focus is love and peace because that is all that I want my baby to feel. I hope that for you. Surround yourself with things that make you feel happy and loved, not angry. The type of emotions and energy you surround yourself with is just as important as the kind of food you eat. They go hand and hand. I hope that you can find it in your heart to pray for these mothers and they realize what miracles that they have. Pray for them with love not hate because that is the kind of world you want your children to live in, right? Sending love your way.
oh man how angry this makes me!! I to like you followed every single rule to the t some times more than I ever probably needed to. What the hell?? THis is so not fair. People are so ridiculous! Im sorry you had to run across this. So sad.
Oh honey, I am so, so sorry you had to see that crap. It just isn't fair.
Ugh. So sorry you had to read that. I try to avoid anything like that because I know it's just going to upset me for no benefit.
Hugs.
Maddie x
Terrible, just terrible.
I responded to a post on babycentre a few months ...I wasn't as self restrained as you were. Good for you
Sigh. I just want to bang my head in to my laptop reading this. Over and over again.
xo
Yes...stupid selfish people that feel free to do as they want. No matter what. Loving my boys as I do, and missing Simon and Alexander so very much...I just can't, and never have been able, understand this self serving parenting style. Even as a teen mom...I gave it my ALL. I was a GREAT mom--people judged me for my age, but they had to admit I was a better parent than most. Now...I'm standing here wondering why it is that people that THAT have kids at all. Why aren't children only given to the mamas that really love them...want them...cherish them, for all their lives...forever. Kristin...we are opening the door. Too soon to know if anyone is on the other side... I wanted you to know. ((HUG))
I avoid BBC now. The ignorance is too much for me to take.
You are so right - there is NO justice. None.
I will never understand baby loss - NEVER. There can't possibly be an explanation or a reason to make what we go through "OK"
I just wanted to you know that I think of you often, and pray for you and your two new babies. I hope all continues to go well...
(Big Hugs)
Well, what can I say? Idiots abound.
Like this one lady who posted a question on Yahoo! Answers who had just started her third tri and wanted to know if she should now quit smoking. She had of course cut back to just 15 a day!
Then I have a colleague who sipped Coffee all her pregnancy and now groans on all the rotten things that happened to her body since her pregnancy.
Just sneer.
I know just how you feel. There are women out there that I just want to shake some sense into for their lack of caring for their unborn child. And there selfishness. My fiance's ex-wife bragged to me how she got tattoos done after she found out she was pregnant. And I know she smoke and drank and I suspect she did drugs while pregnant. It's horrible what these so called "mothers" do to their unborn children. Its plain selfish. If you choose to have a child or choose not to have safe sex and end up pregnant you need to do the right thing and stop being so damned selfish. UGGGG!!! I wanna scream right along with you. I HATE women like that!
After 4 years of infertility my husband and I decided to adopt and we adopted a sibling group ages 5, 4 and 16 months all three of them have full blown FASD because of bio moms drinking and smoking 2 packs a day all during her pregnancy the middle child is so damaged that he will never be able to live by himself! I get so angry at the stupid choices that bio mom made that now my kids have to live with! It was 9 freaking months of her life and she could not or would not take care of herself! On the happy side of this story after another 3 years of trying we were blessed with healthy triplet girls (via IUI) they were 31 weekers but they are doing great! I just get so sad when I see the daily things my kids (adopted) cannot do because of damage that happened while she was pregnant! But I am so blessed to be the mommy of 6 wonderful kids!
My gosh. I just cannot generate the words to express how much this pisses me off. UGH.
:*( just makes me sick to know how unfair this damn universe is.
Sending you loads of *hugs*
there will always be stupid people out there. its so sad that people will do dumb things and put there children in harms way...when there are others praying to have children....or just have them back
Your absolutely right but we cannot blame them, all we can do is give them a piece of advice.
My husband's first wife smoked through her first 3 pregnancies. The first baby was fine, the second was premature by 2 months but miraculously survived and is now 24 years old and graduating from uni. The third baby was born premature at 500 grams and did not make it. After that she split with her husband, who is now my husband. And then she had another child with her new partner, and smoked through that pregnancy too. She who almost lost one baby, and lost another. Some people never learn. My blood boils when I see pregnant women smoking. My good friend did everything right and lost her baby to stillbirth. Hugs. Anna
When I was pregnant with Carleigh, my SIL was pregnant and so was my BIL's gf. Both of them smoked thru their pregnancy and had healthy babies. I did everything right but my daughter died. It sucks.